Our true Life came down to this earth and bore our death and killed it out of the abundance of his own life. Thundering loudly, he called to us to return to him into that secret place from which he came forth to us - coming first into the Virgin's womb where humanity was joined to him, our mortal flesh that it might not be forever mortal and from there, like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber and rejoicing as a strong man to run a race. For he did not delay but ran calling loudly by words, deeds, death, life, descent, ascension, crying loudly for us to return to him. And he departed from our sight so that we might return to our heart and find him there. For he departed and lo, he is here! He would not remain with us, yet he did not leave us; for he went back to that place he never left because the world was made by him. He was in this world and he came into the world to save sinners. My soul confesses to him and he heals it, for it has sinned against him. O, you children of men, how long will you be so slow of heart? Even now, after Life has descended to you, will you not ascend and live? But to where will you ascend since you are already in a high place and have set your mouth against the heavens? First come down that you may ascend and ascend to God. For you have fallen by rising against him.

Tell your friends this that they may weep in this valley of tears and so draw them to God with you because it is by his Spirit that you speak to them this way, if you speak glowing with the fire of love.

I did not know these things then, and I loved those lower beauties. I was sinking into the very depths and I said to my friends, "Do we love anything but what is beautiful? What then is the beautiful? And what is beauty? What is it that attracts and unites us to the things we love? For unless they contain a grace and beauty they could by no means attract us to them". And I marked and perceived that in the objects themselves there was one beauty by themselves alone and another that depended on their proper and mutual relationship within the whole as part of the body with its whole or a shoe with a foot and the like. This consideration came to my mind out of my inmost heart and I wrote books {two or three, I think) - De Pulchris et Apto, 'On the Beautiful and the Fitting'; you know how many, O God but I have forgotten. I do not have them for they have strayed from me, I know not how.

What was it that prompted me, O Lord my God, to dedicate these books to Hierius, an orator of Rome whom I did not know by sight but whom I loved for the fame of his learning for which he was well known and for some of his works I had heard which pleased me? But he pleased me chiefly because he pleased others who praised him highly, amazed that a Syrian, first taught in Greek eloquence should become a wonderful Latin orator and one so learned in philosophy. Thus, a man is commended and loved though we have never seen him. Does this love come into the heart of the hearer from the mouth of the one praises him? Not at all. But through one who loves, another love is set ablaze. This is why we love the one commended when we believe that the praise comes from a sincere heart; that is, when the praise is from one who truly loves him.

Thus at that time I loved men on the judgment of others not upon yours, O my God in whom no man is deceived. Yet, why did I not love them for qualities like those of the renowned charioteer or the great fighter with beasts in the amphitheatre whose popularity and fame spread far and wide? Although I admired them. I did not care to be like them. I had no desire to be praised and liked as actors are, though I myself praised and loved them. I would have chosen to remain unknown than to be known as they were and even hated rather than loved as they were. How are these various and different loves distributed in one soul? Why, since we are all equally men, do I love in a another what I would hate to be? It does not follow since a good horse is loved by one who would not choose to be a horse even if he could, that the same may be said of an actor since we are both sharing the same nature. Man is a great deep and you number his very hairs, Lord. Not one of them falls without you. And yet the hairs of his head are more easily numbered than are his feelings and the movements of his heart.

But that orator whom I admired so much was the kind of man I wanted to be myself; I strayed through inflated pride and I was carried about by every wind, yet you steered my course though very secretly. I know very well now and I confess to you with sure confidence that I loved him more for the praise he received from others than for the things for which he was being praised. Because if he had been criticized and those same men had disapproved of him and had told the very same things about him with scorn and contempt, I would never have been inspired and drawn to love him. Yet his qualities would have been no different but only the attitude of those who spoke about him. See how the soul lies helpless and prostrate when it is not yet stayed on the firmness of truth! The gales of speech blow from the breasts of the opinionated and we are carried this way and that driven forward and backward; the light is obscured to us and the truth is not seen. Yet,there it is in front of us.

It was a great concern to me that my style and ideas should be known to that man. If he approved, I would be filled with more admiration for him. But if he disapproved, this vain heart of mine, void of your stability would have been offended. And yet, I reflected with pleasure 'On the Beautiful and the Fitting' though which I wrote to him and viewed it and admired it - though no one else joined me doing so.

I did not yet see how this great matter [of the Beautiful and the Fitting] turns upon your wisdom, O Omnipotence, for you alone do great wonders; but my mind ranged through corporeal forms, I defined as 'fitting' that which is beautiful in its relationship and fitness to some other thing and I supported this by corporeal examples. I turned my attention to the nature of my mind but the false notions I had of spiritual things prevented me from seeing the truth. Yet, the very force of truth did of itself flash into my eyes but I turned away my thirsty soul from incorporeal substance to line, colors and shapes. Because I could not see these in my mind, I concluded that I could not perceived my mind. And since I loved the peace in virtue and hated the discord in vice, I distinguished a kind of unity in the first and a sort of disunity in the other. I conceived that the rational soul, the nature of truth and the highest good were all included in that unity.

In the disunity, unfortunately i imagined there was some unknown substance of irrational life and thought the nature of the greatest evil was not only a substance but had real life, too, and that it did not emanate from you, O my God, of whom are all things. And the first I called a Monad as if it were a soul without sex. The other I called a Duad - anger, deeds of violence, in deeds of mission and lust - not knowing what I was talking about. For I have known nor had I been taught that evil was not a substance nor was our soul that chief and unchangeable good.

For just as it is in the case of violent deeds, if the emotion of the soul from which the impulse comes is depraved and thrusts itself arrogantly and shamefully and as it is in acts of passion when the emotion of the soul is unrestrained in its carnal desires - so also, errors and false opinions contaminate our life if the rational soul itself is depraved as mine was then. I did not know that it must be enlightened by another light to be partaker of truth since it is not itself the essence of truth. For you will light my candle, O Lord my God. You will enlighten my darkness. And of your fullness have we all received. For you are the true Light who enlightens everyone who comes into the world. In you there is no variableness neither shadow of change.

But though I pressed towards you, I was thrust.............

                                                                         Page 5
If you wish to donate. Thank You. God bless.

By bank transfer/cheque deposit:
Name: Alex Chan Kok Wah
Bank: Public Bank Berhad account no: 4076577113
Country: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

I have through years of reading, pondering, reflecting and contemplating, the 3 things that last; FAITH . HOPE . LOVE and I would like to made available my sharing from the many thinkers, authors, scholars and theologians whose ideas and thoughts I have borrowed. God be with them always. Amen!

I STILL HAVE MANY THINGS TO SAY TO YOU BUT THEY WOULD BE TOO MUCH FOR YOU NOW. BUT WHEN THE SPIRIT OF TRUTH COMES, HE WILL LEAD YOU TO THE COMPLETE TRUTH, SINCE HE WILL NOT BE SPEAKING AS FROM HIMSELF, BUT WILL SAY ONLY WHAT HE HAS LEARNT; AND HE WILL TELL YOU OF THE THINGS TO COME.

HE WILL GLORIFY ME, SINCE ALL HE TELLS YOU WILL BE TAKEN FROM WHAT IS MINE. EVERYTHING THE FATHER HAS IS MINE; THAT IS WHY I SAID: ALL HE TELLS YOU WILL BE TAKEN FROM WHAT IS MINE. - JOHN 16:12-15 -