I am not greatly concerned with all the attractions of sweet scents. When they are absent, I do not miss them; when they are present, I do not refuse them, yet am ready to be without them. So I seem to myself, though possibly I am deceived. For that is also a lamentable darkness which conceals my capabilities from me, so that my mind, inquiring into itself concerning its own powers, does not readily dare to believe itself, because even what is already in it is largely concealed unless it is exposed by experience. And no one ought to be secure in this life, the whole of which is called a temptation, so that he who has been made better from worse may also from better be made worse. Our only hope, our only confidence, our only assured promise, is your mercy.

The delights of the ear had more firmly entangled and conquered me, but you have unbound and liberated me. Now, I still find some repose in those melodies into which your words breathe soul, when they are sung with a sweet and trained voice. Yet I do not allow myself to be held by them, for I can disengage myself from them when I wish. But with the words which are the life of such melodies and by which they gain admission into me, they seek a place of some honor in my heart, and I can scarcely assign them a fitting one.

For at times I seem to myself to give them more honor than is proper, sensing that our minds are more devoutly and fervently inflamed in devotion by the holy words themselves when they are sung this way, than when they are not. I notice that the different emotions of my spirit, by their sweet variety, have their appropriate expressions in the voice and singing, by some hidden relationship which stirs them up. But this gratification of my flesh, which must not be allowed to take control over my mind, often beguiles me. My feelings do not serve reason, so as to follow it patiently, but after having gained admission for the sake of reason, strive to grab the reins and take the lead. Thus, in these things I sin without knowing it, but realize it afterwards.

At other times, anxiously shunning this very deception, I err by being too strict, and sometimes to the degree of wishing to have every melody of sweet music to which David's Psalter is often sung banished both from my ears and from the Church itself. That way seems safer which I remember having often heard was followed by Athanasius, Bishop of Alexandria. He made the reader of the psalm utter it with such a slight inflection of the voice that it was more like speaking than singing. Yet, again, when I remember the tears I shed at the songs of your Church in the early days of my recovered faith, and how even now I am moved not by the singing, but by what is being sung, when they are sung with a clear voice and skillful modulation, I recognize once more the great usefulness of this practice.

Thus, I vacillate between the perilous pleasure and proved soundness - inclined rather to approve the custom of singing in the Church (though not pronouncing it as an irrevocable opinion) so that the weaker minds may rise to the feeling of devotion by the delight of the ears. Yet when I happen to be more moved by the singing than by what is being sung, I confess that I have sinned gravely, and then would rather not have heard the singing. See my condition now! Weep with me and weep for me, you who can so control your inward feelings that good results follow. For you who do not act this way, these things do not concern you. But O my God, hear me and look upon me, and have mercy on me and heal me, you in whose presence I have become a puzzle to myself; and this is my infirmity.

There remain the delights of these eyes of my flesh, about which to make my confession in the hearing of the ears of your temple, those brotherly and devout ears, and so to conclude the temptations of the lust of the flesh which still assault me, as I groan earnestly, desiring to be clothed upon with my house from heaven.

My eyes love beautiful and varied forms, and bright and soft colors. let these not occupy my soul; let God rather possess it, who made these things very good indeed - for he is my Good, not these. Yet, these affect me during the whole waking day. No rest is given from them, as there sometimes is in silence from music and from all voices. For that queen of colors, the light, flooding all we look upon, wherever I am during the day, gliding past me in various forms, soothes me when I am busied about other things and not noticing it. And it entwines itself so strongly, that, if it is suddenly withdrawn, I look longingly for it, and if it is long absent, my mind is saddened.

O Light that Tobit saw when with his eyes closed in blindness, he taught his son the way of life, and led the way himself with the feet of charity, never going astray. Or the Light which Isaac saw, when his bodily eyes were so dim by reason of old age that he could not see, it was granted him to bless his sons without knowing which was which, but in blessing them to know them. Or which Jacob saw, blind through great age but with an illumined heart, when he shed light upon the different races of people yet to come - fore-shown in the persons of his sons - and he laid his hands, mystically crossed, on his grandchildren, the sons of Joseph, not as their father by his outward eye corrected them, but as he himself inwardly discerned them.

This is the true Light, the only one, and all who see and love it are one. But that corporeal light of which I spoke, seasons the life of this world for those who blindly love it with an enticing and fatal sweetness. They who know how to praise you for this earthly light, "O God, Creator of All," and sing of it in your hymns, but are not taken up with it in their sleep. Such I desire to be. I resist these seductions of the eyes, lest my feet by which i walk on your path be entangled. And I lift up my inward eyes to you, that you would be pleased to pluck my feet out of the snare. You do repeatedly pluck them out, for they are entangled. You do not cease to pluck them out, but I constantly remain fast in the snares set round me on all sides. For you shall neither slumber nor sleep, who keep Israel.

What innumerable things, made by various arts and products, in our clothing, shoes, vessels and every kind of work, in pictures, too, and various images - and these far in excess of all necessary and moderate use, and all devotional significance, men have added for the enthrallment of their own eyes! Outwardly they follow what they make themselves, and inwardly forsake him by whom they themselves were made - yes, and destroying that which he made them!

I also sing a hymn to you, my God and my joy, for these things, and offer a sacrifice of praise to my Sanctifier for all those beautiful designs which pass through men minds and are conveyed to artistic hands, coming from that Beauty which is above our souls, which my souls sighs after day and night. But as for the makers and followers of those outward beauties, they derive from that Beauty their power of judging them, but not of using them. And this power, too, is there, though they do not see it, so they might not wander, but keep their strength for you and not dissipate it on delicious lassitude. And though I speak this way and see this, I, too, get my steps entangled with these outward beauties, but you rescue me. O Lord, you rescue me, because your loving kindness is ever before my eyes. For I am caught miserably, but you rescue me mercifully. Sometimes I am not even aware of this, not having become wholly entangled. At other times, the rescue is painful, because I was held fast in them.

So this is added another form of temptation, more complex in its peril. For besides the lust of the flesh which lies in the gratification of all our senses and pleasures, whose slaves wander far from you, are wasted and perish, the soul has, through those same bodily senses a certain vain and curious desire, cloaked under the name of knowledge and learning - not delighting in the flesh, but in making experiments through the flesh. This longing, since it originates in an appetite for knowledge, and since sight is the sense mainly used to acquire knowledge, is called in divine language the lust of the eyes. For seeing properly belongs to the eye, yet we use this word in connection with the other senses, too, when we exercise them in the search for knowledge.

For we do not say, "Listen how it glows!" or "Smell how it glistens" or "Taste how it shines" or "Feel how it gleams" for all these are said to be seen. Yet we not only say, "See how it shines" which the eyes alone can perceive; but we also say, "See how it sounds, see how it smells, see how it tastes, and see how hard it is." And so the general experience of the senses, as we said, is called the lust of the eyes because the office of seeing, though properly belonging to the eyes, is applied to the other senses by analogy when they seek after any knowledge.

By this it may be more clearly discerned when the object of the senses is pleasure and when it is curiosity. For pleasure seeks objects that are beautiful, melodies, fragrant, tasty, soft; but curiosity, for the sake of novelty, seeks the very opposite as well, not in order to experience their trouble, but from the passion of experimenting and knowing.

What pleasure is there to see in a mangled corpse that which makes you shudder? And yet, if it is lying near, we flock to it, to be made sad and to turn pale. They fear they will see it in their sleep, as if anyone had forced them to look at it when they were awake, or any report of its beauty had attracted them to it! Thus, it is also with the other senses, which would take too long to go through. From this malady of curiosity come all those strange sights exhibited in the theatre. From it men go on to search out the secret powers of nature (which do not pertain to us) which to know brings no profit, and which men desire to know simply for the sake of knowing. From this malady, too, with the same goal of gaining perverted knowledge, we consult the magical arts. Even in religion itself God is tempted when signs and wonders are demanded of him - not desired for any saving purpose, but merely to make trial of him.

In such a vast wilderness as this, full of snares and dangers, I have cut many of them off and thrust them out of my heart, as you have given me power to do, O God of my salvation. Yet when do I dare say - since so many things of this kind buzz on all sides about our daily life - when do I dare say that nothing of this sort engages my attention or causes an idle interest in me? True, the theatres no longer carry me away now-a-days nor do I care to know the courses of the stars, nor did my soul ever consult departed spirits. I detest all unhallowed rites. But yet, O Lord, my God, to whom I owe humble and single hearted service, by what subtlety of suggestion does the enemy tempt me to require some sign from you! But I beseech you by our King, and by our pure and holy country Jerusalem, that as any consent on my part to such thoughts is far from me, so may it ever be farther and farther. But when I pray to you for the salvation of anyone, my goal and intention is far different. For you do what you will, and you give me the grace and will give me the grace to follow you willingly.

Nevertheless, in how many petty and contemptible things is our curiosity tempted daily, and who can recount how often we give in to it? How often, when people are telling idle tales, do we begin, as if we were tolerating them to keep from offending the weak, and then gradually begin to take an interest in them! I do not go now-a-days to the circus to see a dog chasing a hare, but if by chance I pass such a chase in the field, it may distract me even from some serious thought, and draw me after it - not that I turn aside the body of my horse, but by the inclination of my mind. And unless you, reminding me of my weakness, speedily warn me to lift my thoughts to you above the sight, or to despise it wholly and pass on by, I, vain creature that I am, will stand gazing at it.

When sitting at home, my attention is often distracted by a lizard catching flies, or by a spider entangling flies as they rush into her web. Is the feeling of curiosity different because they are by small creatures? I go on from such distractions to praise you, the wonderful Creator and Disposer of all things; but that is not what attracts my attention. It is one thing to get up quickly; it is another not to fall. And of such things my life is full, and my only hope is your wonderful, great mercy. For when this heart of ours becomes the receptacle of such things, and bears multitudes of these abounding vanities, then, our prayers are often interrupted and disturbed by them, and while in your presence we direct the voice of our heart to your ears, such a great concern as this is interrupted by the influx of I know not what idle thoughts.

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Sunday, May 24, 2009

I have through years of reading, pondering, reflecting and contemplating, the 3 things that last; FAITH . HOPE . LOVE and I would like to made available my sharing from the many thinkers, authors, scholars and theologians whose ideas and thoughts I have borrowed. God be with them always. Amen!

I STILL HAVE MANY THINGS TO SAY TO YOU BUT THEY WOULD BE TOO MUCH FOR YOU NOW. BUT WHEN THE SPIRIT OF TRUTH COMES, HE WILL LEAD YOU TO THE COMPLETE TRUTH, SINCE HE WILL NOT BE SPEAKING AS FROM HIMSELF, BUT WILL SAY ONLY WHAT HE HAS LEARNT; AND HE WILL TELL YOU OF THE THINGS TO COME.

HE WILL GLORIFY ME, SINCE ALL HE TELLS YOU WILL BE TAKEN FROM WHAT IS MINE. EVERYTHING THE FATHER HAS IS MINE; THAT IS WHY I SAID: ALL HE TELLS YOU WILL BE TAKEN FROM WHAT IS MINE. - JOHN 16:12-15 -