Shall we, then, reckon curiosity among the things to be condemned? Or shall anything restore us to hope but your complete mercy, since you have begun to change us? And you know to what extent you have already changed me, first healing me of the lust of vindicating myself, so that you might forgive all the rest of my iniquities and heal all my infirmities, and redeem my life from corruption, and crown me with tender mercies and loving kindness, and satisfy my desire with good things; you curbed my pride with fear and tamed my neck to your yoke. And now I bear it and it is light to me, because you have so promised and have so made it. And in very truth it was, but I knew it not when I feared to take it up.

But, O Lord, you alone reign without pride, because you are the only true Lord and have no lord. Tell me, has this third kind of temptation left me, or can it ever leave me throughout this lifetime - the desire to be feared and loved by men for no other purpose but that I may enjoy that which is no joy? It is miserable life and an unseemly ostentation! From this especially it comes that we do not love you nor have a holy fear of you. And therefore you resist the proud and give grace to the humble. Yes, you thunder down on the ambitious designs of the world, and the foundations of the hills tremble.

Because certain offices of human society make it necessary for the holder to be loved and feared of men, the adversary of our true blessedness presses hard on us, spreading everywhere his snares of "Well done, well done." Greedily reaching for them, we may be caught unaware and separate our joy from your truth and fix it in the deceits of men, and take pleasure in being loved and feared - not for your sake, but in your stead. Having been made like our adversary, then, he may have us for his own, not in the harmony of charity but in the fellowship of punishment. He aspired to exalt his throne in the north, so that we men, dark and cold, might serve him who would become a perverse and distorted imitation of you.

But we, O Lord, lo, we are your little flock. Possess us as yours. Stretch your wings over us, and let us take refuge under them. Be our glory. Let us be loved for your sake and let your Word be reverenced in in us. Those who desire to be praised by the men you condemn will not be defended by men when you judge, nor delivered when you pass sentence. But when - not as when the sinner is praised in the desires of his soul, nor when the unrighteous is blessed in his ungodliness - but when a man is praised for some gift which you have given him, and he is more gratified by the praise for himself than that he possess the gift for which he is praised, such a one also is praised while you blame. Truly, the man who praised him is better than the one being praised. For the one took pleasure in the gift of God in man, while the other was better pleased with the gift of man than that of God.

We are assaulted by these temptations daily, O Lord; without ceasing we are tried. Our daily furnace is the human tongue. And in this respect, too, you command continence [self-mastery] of us. Give what you command and command what you will. You know the groaning of my heart on this matter, and the rivers that flood my eyes. For I cannot ascertain how far I am clean of this plague, and I stand in great fear of my secret faults which your eyes perceive but mine do not. For in other kinds of temptation I have some way of examining myself; in this, hardly any. For in keeping my mind from the pleasures of the flesh and from idle curiosity, I see how much I have been able to do without them, either voluntarily foregoing them or not having them available.

Then I ask myself how much more or less troublesome it is to me not to have them. Riches may be desired that they may serve someone of these lusts, or two, or all three of them. If the soul cannot tell whether it despises riches when it has them, it may cast them aside so that it may prove itself in this way. But to be without praise and to test our abilities in that regard, must we live wickedly, or lead a life so abandoned and atrocious that no one could know us without detesting us? What greater madness could be said or thought? But if praise is usual, and if it ought to accompany a good life and good works, we ought to forego its company as little as we would the good life itself. Yet I cannot tell whether I shall be contented or troubled by being without something unless i am deprived of it.

What, then, do I confess to you, O Lord, in this kind of temptation? What, but that I am delighted with praise, but with truth itself more than with praise? For if it were proposed to me, whether I would rather, being mad or in error on all things, be praised by all men, or being consistent and well assured in the truth, be blamed by all, I see which I would choose. Yet I would rather that the approval of another should not even increase my joy for any good in me. I admit, though, that it does increase it, and more than that, that criticism diminishes it.


When I am troubled at this misery of mine, an excuse presents itself to me - of what value it is, only you know, O God, for it leaves me uncertain. Here it is: It is not self-control [continence] alone which you have commanded of us (that is, that we should hold back our love from certain things) but also righteousness as well (that is, upon what to bestow our love) and have wished us to love not only you but also our neighbor. Often when I am gratified by intelligent praise, I appear to myself to be pleased by the competence or insight I see in my neighbor. In the same way, I seem to be sorry for the defect in him when I hear him criticize either what he does not understand or what is good.

For I am sometimes grieved at the praise I get, either when those things are praised in me which I dislike in myself, or when lesser or trifling goods are more valued than they ought to be. But again, how do I know whether i am affected like this because I do not want him who praises me to differ from me about myself - not being influenced by consideration for him, but because those same good things which please me in myself please me more when they please someone else as well? For, in a sense, I am not praised when my judgment of myself is not praised, whenever either those things which displease me are praised, or those which please me less are praised more. It seems then that I am uncertain about myself in this matter.

Behold, O Truth, in you I see that I ought not to be moved at my own praises for my own sake, but for the good of my neighbor. And whether this is so with me, I do not know. For concerning this I know less of myself than you do. I beseech you now, O my God, reveal me to myself, too, that I may confess to my brethren who are to pray for me where I find myself weak. Once again, let me examine myself more diligently. If, in the praise I receive I am moved with consideration for the good of my neighbor, why am I less moved if someone else is unjustly criticized than if it be myself? Why am I more irritated by reproach cast upon me than at that cast upon another in my presence with the same injustice? Do I not know this also? Or is it finally that I deceive myself, and do not know the truth before you in my heart and speech? Put such madness far from me, O Lord, lest my own mouth be to me the sinner's oil to anoint my head.

I am poor and needy; yet I am better when in secret groaning I am displeased with myself and seek your mercy until what is lacking in my defective condition is renewed and made complete in that peace which the eye of the proud does not know.

The word which comes out of the mouth, and the actions known to men bring with them a most dangerous temptation from to love of praise, which, to establish a certain glory of our own solicits and collects men compliments. It tempts, even when I reprove myself for it within myself, on the very ground that it is reproved. Often a man glories even more vainly in his very scorn of praise. And so he is no longer avoiding vainglory when he glories in his scorn of vainglory.

Within us, also, is another evil, arising out of the same kind of temptation, by which men become vain, pleasing themselves in themselves, though they do not please nor displease nor aim at pleasing others. But by pleasing themselves they greatly displease you. They do not merely take pleasure in things that are not good as if they were good, but take pleasure in your good things as if they were their own; or if, acknowledging the good things to be yours, they think they deserve them, or even if they regard them as from your grace, they do not use them with brotherly rejoicing, but begrudge that same grace to others. In all these and similar perils and labors, you see the trembling of my hearts. It is not so much that I never inflict these wounds on myself, as that they are ever anew healed by you.

Where have you not walked with me, O Truth, teaching me what to avoid and what to desire when I submitted to you what I could see here below and asked your counsel? With my external senses I surveyed the world as I was able, and observed the life which my body derives from me and from these senses themselves. From this I advanced inwardly into the recesses of memory - those various and spacious chambers, wonderfully filled with unnumbered wealth. I considered and was afraid, and could discern none of these things without you, and found none of them to be you.

It was not I, myself, who discovered these things, I, who went over them all and labored to distinguish and evaluate everything according to its worth, taking some things from the report of my senses, asking questions about others which I felt to be mixed up with myself, numbering and distinguishing the reporters themselves. Then, in the vast storehouse of my memory I examined some things carefully, relegating others to the background, taking out others into the light. Yet it was not myself who did these things - that is, the power by which I did them was not my own. Nor was it you, for you are the unfailing light which I consulted concerning all these things, as to whether they were, what they were, and what their real value was. And I heard you teaching and commanding me. And this I often do. It delights me, as far as I can be freed from necessary duties, to have recourse to this pleasure.

But in all these which I go over in consultation with you, I can find no safe place for my soul but in you, in whom all my scattered members may be gathered, so that nothing about me may depart from you. And sometimes you introduce me to a most rare affection in my inmost soul, an inexplicable sweetness that seems to have nothing in it that would not belong to the life to come if it were perfected in me. But by these wretched weights of mine, I relapse again into these lower things, am swept back by my old custom, and am held. I weep greatly, yet I am greatly held. To such an extent does the burden of bad habits weigh us down. I can stay in this condition, but I would not; I would stay there, but I cannot; in both ways, I am miserable.

And thus I have reflected on the weariness of my sins in that threefold lust, and have called your right hand to my help. For with a wounded heart I have seen your brightness, being beaten back, I said, "Who can attain to it ? I am cut off from before your eyes!" You are the Truth who presides over all things, but I, through my covetousness, would not indeed forego you, but wished to possess a lie along with you, as no one wishes to speak so falsely as to be ignorant of the truth itself. So then, I lost you, because you do not deign to be enjoyed along with a lie.

Whom could I find to reconcile me to you? Was I to solicit angels? By what prayers? By what sacraments? Many seeking to return to you, and not able of themselves, have, as I hear, tried this, have fallen into a desire for curious visions, and have been deemed worthy to be deluded. For they, being exalted, sought you by the pride of learning, thrusting themselves forward instead of beating their breasts. And so, by a correspondence of heart, they drew to themselves the princes of the air, as conspirators and allies of their pride, by whom, through the power of magic they were deceived - seeking a mediator by whom they might be cleansed and there was none. For it was the devil himself, transforming himself into an angel of light. And he allured proud flesh all the more in that he was without a fleshly body.

For they were mortal and sinful; but you, Lord, to whom they proudly sought to be reconciled, are immortal and sinless. But a mediator between God and man must have something in him like God, something in him like men, lest being only like man, he should be far from God, and being only like God, should be too unlike man and so not a mediator. In your secret judgment, then, pride deserved to be deluded by that deceitful mediator who has one thing in common with man: that is sin. Another he would appear to have in common with God: not being clothed with the mortality of flesh, and so would boast himself to be immortal. But since the wages of sin is death, this he has in common with mankind, that with them he is condemned to death.

But the true Mediator, whom you have pointed out to the humble in your secret mercy, and sent, that by his example they too might learn that same humility - that Mediator between God and man, the man Christ Jesus, appeared between mortal sinners and the immortal just One - mortal, as men are mortal; just, as God is just; so that because the wages of righteousness is life and peace, he might cancel the death of justified sinners by a righteousness united with God. He was willing to undergo death in common with them. Hence he was shown forth to holy men of old, so that they, through faith in his Passion to come, even as we through faith in it as already past, might be saved. For as Man, he was Mediator; but as for Word, he was not in the middle between God and man, because he was equal to God, and God with God, and together with the Holy Spirit, one God.

How you have loved us, good Father, who spared not your only Son, but delivered him up for us wicked ones! How you have loved us, for whom he did not count it robbery to be equal with you, but became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross! He alone was free among the dead, having power to lay down his life and power to take it up again. For us he was both Victor and Victim, Victor because he was the Victim. He was Priest and Sacrifice for us, and Priest because he was Sacrifice, making us sons to you instead of slaves, by being born himself your Son [in his incarnation] and becoming our slave. Rightly, then, is my hope strongly fixed in him that you will heal all my infirmities by him who sits at your right hand and makes intercession for us. Otherwise I should despair. For many and great are my infirmities, many they are and great! But your medicine is greater. We might think that your Word was far from any union with mankind, and despair of ourselves if he had not been made flesh and dwelt among us.

Terrified by my sins and the load of my misery, I had resolved in my heart and had purposed to flee into the wilderness. But you forbade me and strengthen me, saying, Since Christ died for all, they who live should no longer live unto themselves but unto him who died for them. See, Lord, I cast all my care upon you, that I may live and behold wondrous things out of your law. You know my skillfulness and my infirmities: teach me and heal me. He, your only Son, in whom are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge, has redeemed me with his blood. Let not the proud speak evil of me, because I consider my ransom, and eat and drink and minister it to others. And being poor, I desire to be satisfied with that Food together with those who eat and are satisfied. And they that seek him shall praise the Lord.

BY  SAINT  AUGUSTINE  OF  HIPPO
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Faith . Hope . Love - Welcome donation. Thank You. God bless.

By bank transfer/cheque deposit:
Name: Alex Chan Kok Wah
Bank: Public Bank Berhad account no: 4076577113
Country: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

I have through years of reading, pondering, reflecting and contemplating, the 3 things that last; FAITH . HOPE . LOVE and I would like to made available my sharing from the many thinkers, authors, scholars and theologians whose ideas and thoughts I have borrowed. God be with them always. Amen!

I STILL HAVE MANY THINGS TO SAY TO YOU BUT THEY WOULD BE TOO MUCH FOR YOU NOW. BUT WHEN THE SPIRIT OF TRUTH COMES, HE WILL LEAD YOU TO THE COMPLETE TRUTH, SINCE HE WILL NOT BE SPEAKING AS FROM HIMSELF, BUT WILL SAY ONLY WHAT HE HAS LEARNT; AND HE WILL TELL YOU OF THE THINGS TO COME.

HE WILL GLORIFY ME, SINCE ALL HE TELLS YOU WILL BE TAKEN FROM WHAT IS MINE. EVERYTHING THE FATHER HAS IS MINE; THAT IS WHY I SAID: ALL HE TELLS YOU WILL BE TAKEN FROM WHAT IS MINE. - JOHN 16:12-15 -